Forgiveness is often misconceived as merely pardoning someone else; however, its essence is far more transformative. It encompasses releasing burdens, surrendering the weights of past traumas, and essentially, achieving liberation from what once held us back. This journey of forgiveness, articulated as the ART of Forgiveness, is crucial for personal growth, allowing individuals to progress beyond their past experiences into their authentic selves.
The ART of Forgiveness requires one to embark on a path beginning with acceptance and acknowledgment of one's experiences. This step cultivates a ground for healing by acknowledging responsibility in how one responds to life's challenges, rather than the trauma itself. Progressing through this path, forgiveness involves reframing perspectives to find meaning in suffering and embracing the growth and resilience that can emerge from adversity. This nonlinear journey is facilitated through a framework that supports individuals in reshaping their outlook on past traumas, enabling them to uncover the hidden gifts within their struggles.
At its core, forgiveness culminates in gratitude, acknowledging the lessons learned from past pains without condoning them. This process, although challenging and deeply personal, paves the way for profound transformation and liberation. Embracing the ART of Forgiveness opens up space for new beginnings, allowing individuals to step into their true essence and craft a masterpiece from their deepest wounds and triumphs. This journey of self-discovery and resilience not only transforms the individual but also encourages a community of support and understanding for those navigating their own paths of forgiveness.
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(PS - this blog post is also a podcast): https://yougetwhatyougive.podbean.com/ or wherever you listen to podcasts!
One thing that has recently come to mind in various downloads is the concept of forgiveness and what forgiveness means for us in context of our growth and what it means for us in terms of change, specifically looking at transformation
because that's what we're all about here. We're about transforming into that which we are meant to be, which is paradoxically that which we already are. We're just not aware of it. And specifically, we're going to look at forgiveness as it relates to the root chakra or root energy center of your body. And if you're more interested, this has to do with a concept in my coaching model called Life cycling. Below is a graphic that gives a brief overview.
Root Chakra and Life Cycling
In life cycling, and as depicted by the above graphic, the Root Chakra or energy centre is associated with the first seven years of our life. The first seven years of our life is also linked to the Abundance pillar of Source (as indicated on the graphic, there are four: Love, Creation, Joy, and Abundance). Each life cycle is thus associated with a corresponding energy centre and Source pillar, both of which have specific energetic qualities which play active roles in our lives. When a traumatic event occurs in any life cycle, this energetic disturbance (if not released/transcended) may cause a blockage which in turn causes the energetic opposites to surface (meaning that all of the positive qualities associated with each energy centre/pillar may be experienced as their opposite, aka negative qualities). For example, positive qualities associated with Root/Abundance include safety, security, stability, and enoughness; the energetic opposites as they might manifest if there is a root blockage could be felt as fear, scarcity, instability, and lack (and there is a difference between objective scenarios where fear, scarcity, and stability are a state a human being finds themselves in, versus a nervous system response (aka memory) of a past event which leads to those feelings in the present).
Trauma is Suffering
For a lot of us, those first seven years of life contains trauma. And trauma means very different things to very different people depending on their personal experiences, worldview, what they've witnessed, etc. When we're talking about trauma here, what I'm really trying to get at is…foundationally, it’s suffering. It’s suffering in one or more different forms. And I'm not really speaking about it from the therapeutic side because I’m not a therapist – when I’m speaking about trauma, I'm talking about anything that's happened to you that's caused suffering, and suffering and trauma, being both the same thing, are a universal part of this human condition.
Dr. Gabor Maté and others describe Big and Little ‘T’ trauma, which might describe the type of event that caused the trauma (admittedly there are not-so-good, bad, worse, and terrible things that can happen to us), but setting aside the labels for the events themselves, suffering itself does not exist on a spectrum. Suffering just is. We cannot and should not compare suffering because of its subjectivity within the body and mind.
For a lot of us, those first seven years of life contains trauma. And trauma means very different things to very different people depending on their personal experiences, worldview, what they've witnessed, etc. When we're talking about trauma here, what I'm really trying to get at is…foundationally, it’s suffering. It’s suffering in one or more different forms. And I'm not really speaking about it from the therapeutic side because I’m not a therapist – when I’m speaking about trauma, I'm talking about anything that's happened to you that's caused suffering, and suffering and trauma, being both the same thing, are a universal part of this human condition.
Dr. Gabor Maté and others describe Big and Little ‘T’ trauma, which might describe the type of event that caused the trauma (admittedly there are not-so-good, bad, worse, and terrible things that can happen to us), but setting aside the labels for the events themselves, suffering itself does not exist on a spectrum. Suffering just is. We cannot and should not compare suffering because of its subjectivity within the body and mind.
Returning to the Root/Abundance cycle, where there is trauma/suffering there will continue a perceived lack unless that disturbance/blockage is released. One way to do that is through forgiveness.
But first we need to examine what we mean when we say forgiveness.
The Controversy of Forgiveness
It's kind of a controversial term, isn't it? For some, forgiveness means washing away the sins of another. Condoning actions, perhaps. It means removing the accountability for their actions. And if we are coming at the concept of forgiveness from an unhealed place, that perception may be very real, especially if the person we are trying to forgive has not apologized or made any attempt to make amends. This was the case for me.
The Controversy of Forgiveness
It's kind of a controversial term, isn't it? For some, forgiveness means washing away the sins of another. Condoning actions, perhaps. It means removing the accountability for their actions. And if we are coming at the concept of forgiveness from an unhealed place, that perception may be very real, especially if the person we are trying to forgive has not apologized or made any attempt to make amends. This was the case for me.
The reality is something much different. Much better. Because it is rooted in Self-Love. You see, while there is suffering lingering in your heart and being, you are the one in prison.
When we forgive (an event, act, circumstance, person), we release ourselves from the bonds of that prison.
For me personally, I experienced abuse as a child in my first life cycle and I carried the need for validation from the individual (along with many other linked behaviours and limiting beliefs) for most of my life. I wanted them to apologize and say sorry, but it never happened. It was quite the opposite; a consistent denial of my experiences which caused me to question myself at every turn, undermining deeply my sense of self. I understand the pain that comes when you're seeking that validation from the person who hurt you and you don't get it. But the one who remained in captivity wasn’t the person who hurt me, it was me, the victim. And because I identified with Victim for all those years, that’s what I kept getting back in return. That's what I embodied. And victims always remain victims, until they decide not to be victims anymore.
The paradox here is that the validation you seek doesn't come from the person who hurt you. It must come from within. Forgiveness is a tool of freedom. It's a tool that we wield, to exercise our own freewill to free ourselves from the prison that unresolved pain keeps us locked within.
It's so hard to forgive things that occurred in that first lifecycle, because they occur when we're at our most pure, most innocent, and are still developing our sense of Self in this third dimensional realm. Events that occur within the root therefore grow up into the tree itself if not removed and set free. These events shift the earth beneath our feet. And when you're small, it shakes the very notion of what you believe life to be and who you are in the world.
For me personally, I experienced abuse as a child in my first life cycle and I carried the need for validation from the individual (along with many other linked behaviours and limiting beliefs) for most of my life. I wanted them to apologize and say sorry, but it never happened. It was quite the opposite; a consistent denial of my experiences which caused me to question myself at every turn, undermining deeply my sense of self. I understand the pain that comes when you're seeking that validation from the person who hurt you and you don't get it. But the one who remained in captivity wasn’t the person who hurt me, it was me, the victim. And because I identified with Victim for all those years, that’s what I kept getting back in return. That's what I embodied. And victims always remain victims, until they decide not to be victims anymore.
The paradox here is that the validation you seek doesn't come from the person who hurt you. It must come from within. Forgiveness is a tool of freedom. It's a tool that we wield, to exercise our own freewill to free ourselves from the prison that unresolved pain keeps us locked within.
It's so hard to forgive things that occurred in that first lifecycle, because they occur when we're at our most pure, most innocent, and are still developing our sense of Self in this third dimensional realm. Events that occur within the root therefore grow up into the tree itself if not removed and set free. These events shift the earth beneath our feet. And when you're small, it shakes the very notion of what you believe life to be and who you are in the world.
And so when these things happen in those first zero to seven years, you integrate and become the limiting beliefs that you form as a result of them. They go on to form your identity (or that whom you identify with). And then of course there are follow on events, follow on traumas that happen in later cycles, and they're usually always related back to the original trauma – the original sin. As we enter into the inventory process of life cycling, more often than not, our map will take us back through time to the original suffering, the moment our perception of this life was altered, triggering a ‘scab’ of limiting beliefs around us so as to protect us from the pain.
Our behaviors, habits, thoughts, feelings, reactions…all things that you might take for granted but which point to the places inside that need attention and need healing. You may not even be conscious of what those things are, but rest assured, if you are struggling, that struggle, any resistance you feel, is pointing you to the path. That path is awareness, and solution? Forgiveness, and contained within forgiveness is everything you need to transform from suffering to peace.
Forgiveness then isn’t just something we do, it’s something we embody. It is an ART: we Acknowledge (validate the experience/suffering), Reframe (look for the gift), and Thank the suffering for the gifts it has brought. But we keep the past in the past, and we heal in the here and now, the infinite present, which no longer has need for the limiting beliefs, the illusions and walls we’ve put up around ourselves over the years. You are free. So who are you without all the stuff that isn’t real? You are your most authentic self.
The Purpose of Suffering
Think of yourself as a tree. The Root Chakra is literally the roots of your body, your physicality, reaching down into the earth. And in order for you to be a strong tree, your roots have to be as deep as the tree is tall. But when that Root Chakra is disturbed during that first life cycle, can those roots grow well? Deeply?
Proabably not.
And so part of part of the work that we do, and part of the work that we all need to be doing is digging out the sickness and giving space to the healthy roots so that they may regrow. We do this by propping up the rest of the tree with support as we bring to the surface everything we’ve been afraid to look at.
It's that simple and yet that difficult at the same time because the critical piece here is awareness. You cannot perceive what you are not aware of, but paying attention to what you’re not paying attention to is going to bridge the gap between conscious and unconscious living. For me the biggest aha moment came when I saw how every habit was linked to that original trauma. Every disappointment, shadow character that revealed itself over time. Everything.
Think of yourself as a tree. The Root Chakra is literally the roots of your body, your physicality, reaching down into the earth. And in order for you to be a strong tree, your roots have to be as deep as the tree is tall. But when that Root Chakra is disturbed during that first life cycle, can those roots grow well? Deeply?
Proabably not.
And so part of part of the work that we do, and part of the work that we all need to be doing is digging out the sickness and giving space to the healthy roots so that they may regrow. We do this by propping up the rest of the tree with support as we bring to the surface everything we’ve been afraid to look at.
It's that simple and yet that difficult at the same time because the critical piece here is awareness. You cannot perceive what you are not aware of, but paying attention to what you’re not paying attention to is going to bridge the gap between conscious and unconscious living. For me the biggest aha moment came when I saw how every habit was linked to that original trauma. Every disappointment, shadow character that revealed itself over time. Everything.
For me, that root energy/abundance pillar disturbance spilled over into every other life cycle, spawning other trauma events that were all caused by the original one. Like a domino effect, or a snowball gathering momentum down a hill, I never released myself from that prison, and things got worse. And when things get worse, how I've learned to reframe them is by thinking of them as breadcrumbs...little hints that something needs to change. And if you don't listen to them? They're gonna keep comin'. The heart of it, of all suffering, is the separation from your True Self, your most authentic self, which is what we give away without knowing it when we let ourselves suffer over time. I say ‘let ourselves,’ because suffering is a choice, even if we are not aware of that choice. And when we let ourselves suffer, we add ourselves to the list of those who we need to forgive. Forgiveness of self then becomes the greatest act of self-love that a person may commit.
"Suffering is a choice." How does that sentence make you feel, in the body and mind? For me, it used to make me itchy. Mad. "How could that be true? That's not fair to put on someone!" I get it. My transformation journey didn't START with understanding and integrating the above...but it certainly was something I had to delve into FAST, because I was blocked. Blocked in my Root Energy Centre, and it wasn't just because of suffering in that life cycle, it was because I was holding onto the suffering for dear life. I IDENTIFIED myself with it. When I say 'suffering is a choice,' what it means to me is that..."I have the FREEDOM to decide whether to let down this burden which I've gotten SO USED TO carrying that I now believe it forms a large part of my identity. And because I identify with it, it makes me unconsciously afraid to let it go."
Freeing yourself from this prison may also include the paradoxical realization that it all happened for a reason. This has been my experience, and I know that this concept does not resonate with all. But if it does with you, I say this:
Freeing yourself from this prison may also include the paradoxical realization that it all happened for a reason. This has been my experience, and I know that this concept does not resonate with all. But if it does with you, I say this:
If there is no purpose in suffering, then can there be purpose in life, if this life holds nothing but suffering for much of it?
Conversely, if there is purpose in suffering and in life, then cannot both be tools for growth – both on the physical plane and in the higher realms?
The meaning that we give to situations will determine our relationship to not just the situation, but ourselves. If you ascribe no purpose to an objectively bad event, it stands to reason that the darkness you see is all that there is. But holding space for paradox – which is a universal truth – means that perhaps if you open your heart to the possibility that something bad may produce something good, you are already on the journey of one whose greatest gift to the world will be your understanding, compassion, acceptance, and surrender. If there is no purpose to one thing, there is no purpose to another thing, and that would justify the terrible things that happen in this world. But if you believe in purpose, in life, in the beautiful paradoxical truth of this universe and existence, you will see that there is no growth, no evolution, no progress, no change, no transformation, without an equal or opposite force or polarity that pushes something or someone into movement. Which means that every objectively bad thing that happens to you is directly responsible for the person you are (including the version of yourself that you feel separated from). If you are here, that means you have endured, learned, grown, and experienced and therefore have a wealth of knowledge and skills that can and should be cultivated and excavated and brought to light, to the world, because the world needs you. It needs the compassion and empathy that have grown from your struggles, it needs your creativity and personal power and it needs your love.
If you're still identifying with your trauma, that is what you give to the world and that is what you will get back in return.
The difference between there and here is only as long as it takes for you to recognize that you are still that beautiful pure being that arrived on this planet. Don’t let your suffering make you think it is anything other than another curriculum to be learned, integrated, and then moved on from.
Blessings.
If you're still identifying with your trauma, that is what you give to the world and that is what you will get back in return.
The difference between there and here is only as long as it takes for you to recognize that you are still that beautiful pure being that arrived on this planet. Don’t let your suffering make you think it is anything other than another curriculum to be learned, integrated, and then moved on from.
Blessings.
